my diary

this is not a hatred poem so dont take this wrong
im actually thanking you for helping me be strong
dont let many people in cause i cant tell whos real
the ones i do always betray me proving the way i feel
wont go explaining my life you already know alot
you did some grimmy things and still stayed in your spot
ill admit i was weak i quickly fell in love
and because of that you were always put above
i remember the day when i opened up to you
i told you some shit i never thought i could do
it started with hello and ended with some tears
things that id been going through over the years
you stayed up with me all night or as long as you could
you tried so so hard to make it so i was undertood
i remember you saying i wish i was here with you
do what you feel is best either way ill support you
from that moment on you were like my healing potion
someone i could talk to in any type of emotion
soon that all ended and you were barely my friend
i was still secretly loving you though i cant pretend
soon you got out of hand and you didnt care about shit
so i tried to say fuck you , you no longer mean shit then we split
ripped my pictures off the wall of me and you
so hurt and confused couldnt think of anything else to do
i stopped and waited in hopes my heart would renew'
and as soon as it did i went running back to you
and for the second time you proved my feeling right
only this time my view was different i never lost my sight
i seen you were a liar , all the times you did me wrong
and i thank you for it and love you , for your lies have made me strong .

march february january

title explains it all .

follow the yellow brick path ?

im in front of two path ways. Ive been traveling for a long time with this heavy backpack. im all alone and I am tired. its cold and all I want to do is get to the top of the mountain. in order to continue my journey I must choose a path . so I sit there and observe. both paths have light which is good because ill need to see. but the lights are different. the path on the left has the brightest light. it looks as though the light will never go dim. but the right path is another story. the beginning of the path is bright but as I stare further down the path, the light get dimmer and dimmer. I can't pick a path yet though. I just remembered I have a flashlight in my baq, which I wouldn't mind using to help me see. so i observe some more. I look at the qround in both paths and notice they are not the same. the qround on the left path is full of sand. I look closely to see if there is any shells. there's none. so I look at the qround in the riqht path. all I can see is rocks. rocks of all different sizes. there are some pointy rocks and some smooth rocks. but I can't choose a path yet. im still looking down and see the sneakers that's on my feet. with sneakers Ill be able to step on the rocks. so now I just listen. in the left path I can hear a bird . maybe two birds actually. their sound is beautiful. but it seems like their sound will never stop. so I listen to the riqht path. I don't hear anythinq. the sound of silence is beautiful too but just in case I remember I have my ipod in my baq that has my favorite music. I do not observe any further. im ready to choose the path. the left path would be the easiest way to qo and I know this. but I don't chose the left path, I chose the right. I know that there are some obstacles that come with the riqht path but I don't care. why else am I holding this backpack ?


ps : in case you were wondering the reason why i dont put pictures on my bloq is because id rather you create your own image.

kinda refreshed

My heart is somewhat broken
I suffer from great pain
Some people stop and wonder
Is that girl insane?
Though people try to help me
Mend my broken heart
I'm starting to get better
But they'll never fill the part
The part that's dark and empty
Gloomy and ice cold
I'm hoping I'll get better
Or so I have been told


the whole " broken heart" saying isnt really something i use.
i actually hate using it. but i guess its fine just this once.

my next post will be positive i promise :]

the endinq words

I've always gave the advice " don't keep everything bottled inside you gotta let it out. " and I've also been told " express your feelings its always helps , just say what's on your mind don't hold back ". well fck the advice I was giving & fck the advice that was qave to me. im always about what I say but this time I just can't do it. sometimes you just need to keep things bottled inside. it may hurt you but its nothing compared to what your gonna feel after you've let it out. especially if its a confession. id advise you NEVER to confess, they always turn out bad. Just keep it to yourself it saves a lot of everything . don't always say what's on your mind either. I've learned some things are just better off unsaid. if holding back is what you feel the need to do then do it. for the rest of your life if you need to . beats the awkwardness that may be ahead. the safe side is always the best side. wouldn't you agree ?! but you know what, out of all the bullshit advice your qoinq to hear and give ALWAYS remember this " if someone shows you who they are believe them ". I mean how could that advice do you wronq ?


im having a moment I know. this bloq is the only way I can express what I feel and not care ; cuss it can't say anything back

confession letter

DEAR,

everyday as a person I create memories. some memories I love to remember and others I wish I would forget. creating memories with you is easy. However, making you a memory is extremely difficult. I know ill have to do it one day, I just can't imagine when Ill be able too. im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry .. I know I didn't do anything wrong but isn't that what people say when they want forgiveness. wanting to talk to you, chill with you, be apart of your life, and when one forgives everything goes back to the way it was. so sorry ! do you forgive me ? there's just so many things that was left unsaid. is still not said. im scared and im just sorry. ugh there I go with that word again. can it be that simple? can one word do it . I know the answer is no but it was you that told me never give up on hope. I love you . Im in love with you and been for quite some time. I can't stop thinking about you, I think its the craziest thing. your the only one I've felt this way about. please don't make me run from this feeling. I have trust issues, I trust you with my life. does that mean something? its not about us being in relationship, its about us having a relationship. does that make sense? you being apart of my life is all I want. all I've ever wanted. I can say much more but I won't take up anymore of your time . sorry

sincerely,

just a note

just something to think about .

looking at lifes interactions
we go for self satisfactions
not really knowing the outcome
just doinq it for the out cum